Actually, Don't Come Follow Me

A couple of weeks ago, I tried to get my kids interested in the Come Follow Me* lesson on the Foolish Rich Man in Luke 12. There was this object lesson I found on a better blog than mine (fishing, tell me I'm pretty), where I was supposed to take a backpack and fill it with books. The books were to represent our needs (food, shelter, clean air, etc.) followed by wants (pokemon alarm clocks, a nonexistent Mr. McFeely doll, ice cream, etc). They filled the whole backpack up so full, that the books that represented Christ and the gospel couldn't fit. The lesson was that if we will our lives with too many wants, we may end up not leaving enough room in our lives for Christ and what he wants from us. We should put Christ and the things he asks us to do before our wants. 

Here's the gist of how the attempt went down:

Me: Okay babes, let's pretend this backpack is your life, and these books are things that you need and want. 

Michael: That's my train backpack! Eden can't have it!

Eden: I WANT MY BACKPACK!

Me: It's okay Michael, you can have it all to yourself after the lesson! We are just sharing right now. What are some needs that we have? This book will be "food."

Michael: That's Click Clack Moo, not food.

Me, still trying: This one is shelter, and this one is clothes.

Michael and Eden: No, that's I am Amelia Earhart/The Little Blue Truck - I LIKE TRUCKS!!

Me: *helps them list off the plethora of toys and games and stuff they want while they argue that those aren't pokemon cards, they're counting books* Look how full this backpack is! There's no way to fit Jesus, the scriptures and praying and in there! We need to take out some of these wants so He can fit comfortably in there.

Michael: I know! Let's take out the girl in the airplane book since that one is boring.

Me:...You just threw out shelter.

Eden: THIS ONE IS SESAME STREET! I WANT IT!

The lesson was a disaster. We ended up just doing puzzles and singing some primary songs. I may have thrown on a VeggieTales episode or two so I could recover.

Anyone else miserably failing at this stuff? Just me? Cool.

*Come Follow Me: aka CFM: aka basically a WWJD handbook that my kids clearly find as riveting as an oral report on a root canal, because it's only fun for them if they get to eat ice cream afterward.

The Pen is Mightier than the Tantrum

It finally happened. We have a kid that ruins our lives with permanent markers. The other day, Eden declared she had to go upstairs to poop. She was taking an unusually long time, so I went to check on her. Exhibit A is why I hadn't seen her in awhile. And probably why she was so quiet. She made a pit stop in the hallway to "draw hearts" on every. Single. Wall. In the hallway. Let me tell ya, Magic Eraser only works if you have the strength of a mountain lion and 4 hours of time to yourself. Looks like we're painting this summer.

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B. happened two days later! I came home from the gym around 7am to the whole house asleep...except for Eden. She brightly sang, "Good morniiiiiinnng!!!" as she ran away into the kitchen. She became very upset that I tried to clean her "hearts" off of the brand new recliner. You guys, always get the kid/pet warranty when you get new furniture. It's going to save us all the moneys. 

Exhibit B.

I have NO idea where Eden kept getting these markers! I hid them in places where even I need a chair to reach them. I didn't even know we had more than one dried-out black one. I even hide the washable markers from her, because she thinks she's the next Ink Master and practices her art on herself and her dolls. I'm going to lose my mind here. Maybe I'll just let Eden draw me another one.

Kids vs. Food

If my kids pray for whatever is about to go in their mouths to strengthen and nourish their bodies, they're fine, right?

When I was a young, adorable, innocent mom-to-be with Michael, I just KNEW I was going to get a BabyBullet (not sponsored, promise) and get tons of fresh only-the-best fruits and vegetables for him to eat. I'd boil them in purified water and blend the crap out of all the chokable chunks and get him started on a foodie journey. He'd eat zucchini, apples, and grilled chicken, and not have his first bite of pizza until he was like 5 years old. Even then it would be made with an organic cauliflower crust and pizza sauce made from the tomatoes that I grew in my own little garden!

And then I had Michael.
He does NOT eat anything that isn't a waffle, noodle, a hotdog, or a Honey Nut Cheerio. Or a a pizza of any sort, so I guess that cauliflower crust thing actually panned out.
on top of that, I can't garden. I have neither the time nor the interest. I also can't seem to keep plastic plants alive, so there's that.

Eden is also picky, but in a way that keeps you on your toes and stressed out. She asked for waffles the other day. It takes forever to make waffles from scratch. But I did it. And they were delicious (this isn't about me, but you should know that I'm really good at the waffles). Eden looked at hers and declared that she didn't like waffles. She does this with all the foods: scrambled eggs, spaghetti, oranges, carrots, mac 'n cheese, you name it. Two days later, she decided she was so starving after refusing lunch, that she pulled a leftover waffle out of the freezer and ate it while it was still frozen! What did I do about it? Sigh. I just Let It Go.

I'd blame it on formula feeding, but they were breastfed, suckas!
KIDDING. They were both breast AND formula fed. Hence the cauliflower pizza crust.