So last month, Michael turned six. He was adorable and got
to bring cupcakes to school, got a poster from his teacher, the whole nine. We had
his party a week and a half later, as you sometimes do. I told him when his
party was, and he suddenly got very upset. At first, I thought it because his
party wasn’t the same day as his birthday. I decided that I was going to be the
wisest parent ever and teach him about patience, and then reveal some giant
present at the party to be all like, “See? Good things come to those who wait.”
I mean, the present would’ve been from his grandparents, but that’s not the
point.
It turns out that he wasn’t being impatient. He thought that
since he was now six and celebrated at school, that the party meant he’d immediately
turn seven. He was upset because he thought he was only going to be six for ten
days. He broke down and declared “It’s too soon! I need to be six for a year! I’m
not ready to be seven yet!” It was afriggindorable.
Have you ever tried to explain time to a child, though? Have
you ever had to explain it to him while he argues with you that two birthday “parties”
means two different years and everyone knows that and why do I not understand
that I need to cancel that second party so he can be six for longer?
It’s like trying to teach a turtle to roll over.
