All Road Trips are Like This Now

Can someone please help me figure out how to travel with two kids under five without needing Mary Poppins on speed dial? We traveled to a wedding this weekend, and let me tell you. There’s nothing like traveling with kids that reminds you why you don’t like traveling with kids.

I LOVE my kids, so don't come at me, bro. But they are also the reason I grocery shop after a 5am workout while they're still asleep. And why I have the Walmart pickup app saved under "favorites." And why I buy non-perishables off of Amazon Prime (not sponsored, but hit me up, AP!).

I came prepared for this four-to-six hour car ride, you guys. I packed books. I brought their lovies. I packed their fancy little bento boxes full of veggie straws, fruit snacks, popcorn, and those really good chocolate chip granola bars. I didn't even TRY to pack something healthy that I knew would rot in the car over the weekend. My husband even brought their pillows like a true MVP, because they are adorably weird and like to have them on their laps "just in case." 

Within the first two hours, both kids started crying, because they didn’t like the music. Then the music they wanted was too loud. Then Michael complained, because Eden was “singing annoying." They also had to go pee like three times. Turned out "go pee" actually meant "buy another juice with Peppa Pig on it and more $4 individual bags of Doritos." Big surprise that they weren't hungry when we headed to the rehearsal dinner.

The wedding was beautiful, or so I heard. I had to take Eden to our hotel room, because she tried to tackle the flower girl mid-aisle walk. She wanted to take a turn with the poor child's flower crown. Both Michael and Eden tore up that dance floor, though. I was super proud. They both pretended to know all the dances the grownups were doing. Thank you, grownups, for not twerking. Michael danced with the flower girl like a boss, and she was all about it. Well, she was all about it until he tried to dip her at the end of a song. That was a little too much for her.

When we finally made it home, Michael and Eden very pleasantly surprised me and helped me put their clean clothes away! We ended a pretty stressful-but-great weekend with video games and cuddles. And with with Eden peeing all over me and the couch in her sleep. I will cherish these memories as soon as I can get a professional to get the pee out of all of my furniture.